The Melancholy of Haruki Suzumiya
by SoftApplePie
Summary: This is a gender bender rewrite of the Haruhi Suzumiya light novels. Follow Kyon as she's forced to endure Haruki's ridiculous club activities. This story is a continuation of Baka-Tsuki's "Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan" Rated T for mild language.
1. Chapter 1 (Please Read)

Before I begin to publish anything it is extremely important for you to know that this is **NOT ** an original story.

This is going to be a continuation of Baka-Tsuki's version of "Suzumiya Haruki no Seitenkan" (The Melancholy of Haruki Suzumiya). Their version is a complete rewrite of the light novel series except everything is gender swapped with some alterations to a couple of scenes.

If you haven't yet read their version of the story then I highly suggest that you do because some references and such might not make any sense if you haven't.

Baka-Tsuki's version can be found by following this link:

?title=Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan

The prologue for volume 1 can be found here:

?title=Suzumiya_Haruki_no_Seitenkan:Volume1_Prologue

(sorry if the links are messed up in any way)

Currently they have the entire first novel published and the prologue of volume 2 out. They started chapter 1 of volume 2 but it hasn't been completed, so I'll be starting with volume 2 chapter 1.

I would also like to point out that the Haruhi Suzumiya novels were published in anachronic order, meaning that they're not in chronological order. While volume 1 takes place in spring volume 2 skips straight to winter and has references to events that happened during volume 3 which takes place during summer. (Confusing, eh?)

Anyways, my main reason for continuing Baka-Tsuki's version is because I was really enjoying it and got upset when I noticed that it was was currently stalled and hadn't been updated for a while.

I'll try to stick to updating with one chapter every week or two if I can since the chapters are pretty long.

Even though this can't really be classified as writing a story since all I'm doing is gender swapping an already written novel, it's still going to be the first thing that I've ever published on fanfiction. Please, I highly recommend constructive criticism as well as your personal thoughts and opinions.

I take absolutely no credit for this story, the characters or any of the content or references within it (except for a couple of extra things that I added myself).

I really hope that, if anyone even reads this story, you'll enjoy it!

~SoftApplePie


	2. Volume 2 Chapter 1

**Ok, so here is the actual first chapter that I'll be publishing. I'll be continuing from where Baka-Tsuke left off. I really hope that you enjoy this story!**

**The first bit will all be italicized and that's because it's a copy and paste of what Bake-Tsuki already wrote and I take NO CREDIT FOR IT AT ALL!**

**I don't own this story, the characters or any of the content within.**

**Enjoy!**

**~SoftApplePie**

* * *

**(Start of Baka-Tsuki's version)**

_Our school, just like any other stereotypical public school in Japan, likes to host a variety of schoolwide events at random points in the year. Such as last month, where Haruki indefinitely proclaimed that the SOS Brigade would be participating in a relay for North High's athletic festival. Now, I can't say I wasn't expecting him to do something strangely bizarre like that, but I certainly wasn't expect us to blow away the track team and rugby team. Haruki took up lead in the anchor position, finishing around 13 meters in front of the 2nd place runner. As a result, Haruki's club, the SOS Brigade (that I totally am not in), grew._

_Let's just say that our reputation went from being a small candle of interest, to spreading like wildfire over the school. We won basically every event that we participated in the athletic festival, with Haruki's athletic body being the cause. The second runner, Nagato, also shares the blame. I certainly hadn't expected him to run as fast as he did. I still don't know if I should compare him to a comically fast running bird straight from a cartoon, or an alien who used teleportation. Please Nagato, tell me before you do something like that okay?_

_After the race when I asked Nagato what sort of magic he used, he replied unenthusiastically using terms like "quantum leap" and "enhanced energy measures". While I appreciated his dumbed down explanation, I still didn't quite get it. Looks like I won't be choosing science and liberal arts as my field of expertise. Oh well._

_When the athletic festival ended, I gave a sigh of relief in hopes that this girl wouldn't have to do any more strenuous tasks the following month. I was sadly mistaken. North High had decided to host a cultural festival, complete with public access to school grounds. At this very moment, the entire school is preparing for such an event; the word "entire" being an over-exaggeration since the only ones actually doing work are teachers, cultural club members, and the student council._

_The SOS Brigade still hasn't been officially recognised as a club, so we really had no reason to do anything. Knowing Haruki, he probably would have wanted to display some stray cat in a cage and call it an "extraterrestrial creature"; knowing full well that such an embarrassing joke would be scowled upon by those who don't get it. At least doing that doesn't put anyone's sanity and/or body on the line, so if Haruki did actually decide to cage up an animal I wouldn't mind as much._

_By the way, Haruki and my class, Class 1-5, decided to do a simple survey. With so many people just wanting to get the cultural festival over with in a simple, tireless manner, no one even proposed an idea. We didn't even know what we were going to make the survey on. Regardless of the content, no one would care about it anyways. Work hard people, and maybe we won't appear like a worthless group of idiots to the other bustling classes._

_The lack of an exciting event, of course, knocked Haruki's patience off balance. This was causing him to grumble while we walked to the clubroom later that day._

_"Surveys are useless." He gave a face that looked like a 12 year old would have given if his parents bought clothes for Christmas presents instead of some new toy._

_'Give it a break. If it's so boring, then why didn't you speak up when we were proposing ideas for it?' In all seriousness, you should have... Okabe-sensei looked like she was ready to rip her hair out from the lack of ideas. That would not be pretty..._

_"I don't want to do anything with this class. It's full of boring people."_

_Boring people? Realize that you're apart of the class, meaning you just called yourself boring. And hold up. Aren't these the same boring people that you won the relays for in last month's athletic festival? Or was that someone else named Suzumiya Haruki?_

_"That's completely different?"_

_Sigh. Might I ask how?_

_"This is the cultural festival. It is the pinnacle of our school; the most exciting time of the year for its students."_

_It is?_

_"It is!" Haruki puffed up his chest in excitement, preparing to decree his word. To me. Alone._

_"This is why the SOS Brigade will be doing things far more exciting and fun!" His face shone like Xerxes' when a battle was won during the Persian Wars._

* * *

_The smile was deceptive; to the average standbyer, Haruki's face just looks like someone who was happy. I knew otherwise._

_During our time in the SOS Brigade, Haruki's 'fun' events were never fun. Ever. In fact, every instance was tiresome. Myself and Asahina-sempai can attest to that. Given we were always the ones who were being acted upon, but we're still human. I highly doubt Koizumi's passive behaviour counts as normal, and Nagato is an alien so he's not exactly capable of showing his exhaustion. But if he were human (with emotions), he would probably be in the same boat as this normal girl and the timetraveler._

_The things I would do with timetravel... I'd love to prevent myself from meeting Haruki. That would save me from the amount of psychological trauma he oh-so-indirectly put me through. I definitely, without a doubt, don't want to go through what happened 6 months ago. That bunch of nonsense is so utterly stupid that -someone quick, give me a wall, door, or other flat-surfaced object- I want to repeatedly smash my face against anything. Well actually, there are plenty of walls around me right now..._

_I devised ways to completely destroy any thoughts regarding the SOS Brigade without completely terminating my number of braincells. Whilst doing so, I didn't regard any of the blabbering idiot's comments._

_"Oi! Kyonko, are you listening to me?"_

_'No. What were you saying?'_

_"I was talking about the cultural festival."_

_'Oh... right.'_

_"Kyonko! Snap out of it!" Haruki yelled, yanking my hair back. As my eyes watered up from the pain, I turned to look at Haruki with now-undivided attention. "This is the cultural festival, you should be more excited!"_

_Easy for you to say. I rubbed the back of my head while he continued._

_"You're only a first year once. Your first cultural festival is something to look forward to. It's not a cultural festival if it's not something worth going crazy over. I hear about tons of things that happen in other schools' festivals."_

_'So I guess your middle school was like that?'_

_"Nah, that was boring. We didn't do anything even remotely fun. This is why our high school experience should be something to enjoy! We get to choose what makes it fun!"_

_'That's not grounds of fussing over it.' I said. My hairtie ended up coming loose, so I pulled it off._

_"Aha, but that's where you're wrong Kyonko." Haruki wagged his finger at me. "Festivals are the most active in the school. For that, you need to pay attention to cool things."_

_Like what? A motorcycle driving through the halls?_

_"Well if the motorcycle doesn't have a driver, then yeah! Something like that!" Haruki nodded. "Or maybe haunted houses having real monsters jump out, or ghosts actually appearing behind fortune tellers. Stairs to climb, that you walk up forever, or eagles nesting on a teacher's head. Or even better, a school gets put under attack by a mecha pilot!"_

_Haruki's continued ramblings eventually lost my interest around the fortune teller part. Can I get someone to send me an email containing the rest of his ideas? I'd really appreciate it? Sorry I can't give anything back in return though._

_"Alright whatever. When we get to the clubroom, I'll tell you more about it."_

_The magical inspiration that sparked Haruki's interest had now simmered down. We continued our walk in silence, reaching the club room door in a matter of minutes. The Literature Club's number plate hanging above the door had been replaced by a piece of paper which Haruki scrawled SOS Brigade on top of. "We've been residing in this room since the school year started. It belongs to us now." With that, he replaced the plate before I could stop him. Not that I would have stopped him, since it'd take too much effort to drag out a chair, climb on it, take the scrap paper off only to have it replaced another day. In fact, standing on a chair would probably just give Haruki some stupid ideas._

_Yeah. Those stupid ideas._

* * *

_Haruki pushed the door open, giving anyone inside no time to hide anything embarrassing. Of course, the person inside wasn't able to do anything about that... he'd been forced into embarrassing costumes time and time again. Back when Haruki adopted Mitsuuru as the club's 'project' he had forced him into a ridiculous maid outfit. Thankfully, the maid outfit has since been replaced by a butler's uniform, which was what he was currently wearing. My eyes met his, and my heart skipped a beat. Asahina-sempai's face donned a smile upon seeing me. Dusting the bookshelves with a feather duster presumably got from his home, he worked like a cute little elf._

_Asahina-sempai has dressed up in a number of outfits, each one more ridiculous than before. Chippendales, nurse, and even a cheerleader with a skirt. How this manages to make him more 'manly' defies all logic, but it still doesn't change his metamorphosis from student to cosplayer every day just after school in the club room. I have to say that my favorite would be the butler outfit. It's somewhat flattering towards him, and isn't at all suggestive. I'd rather not have to deal with the cheerleading outfit again though._

_"Mitsuuru! I thought I told you already to wear the maid outfit! A butler is too plain."_

_"Eh, but I-..."_

_"No 'buts' about it. Get changed! Here, let me do it."_

_My feet quickly turned around and walked my person out the door. I wasn't going to spectate Haruki's scary actions. Through the door, I could hear Asahina-sempai's protests, but to no avail. Forcing him into a maid uniform is just weird Haruki... just about as weird as getting me that stupid bunny girl outfit._

_"We're done!"_

_I walked back inside. Mitsuuru wore the maid outfit as expected, though he looked a little red in the face. All other comments aside, this pointless outfit just managed to make him look cuter._

_"Um, I'll just-... I'll get the tea prepared then."_

_I watched as he nervously grabbed cups from the shelf and started heating up water. Then a sharp pain met my head, namely my scalp. Apparently Haruki yanked on my hair again. "Hmm... your hair isn't a pullstring? Oh, and you're drooling."_

_I scowled at him, wiping the drool off my chin. "Better." Haruki said, walking to the computer desk and putting on his red armband labeled "Chief". He sat down at the rolling computer chair and stared across the room._

_So now I know that I naturally drool when staring at Asahina-sempai too long. Even if there were other girls that would do the same, I found myself slightly embarrassed. Drooling is reserved for my pillow when I sleep, and solely for my pillow alone._

_Realizing his other comment about my hair, and not wanting him to think that I was "seeing Nagato" again, I quickly tied my hair up. The world ending is a bad thing... I don't want to have to do that stupid thing with Haruki again in Closed Space._

_The alien which I was supposedly seeing (according to Haruki and my little brother, but believe me I wasn't) in question was sitting down, reading a book in his designated corner._

_"..."_

_Reading a thick covered book, this person was rigidly posed, examining every word on the page (and possibly even the pages themselves) in a relatively quick manner. He was none other than Nagato Yuuki, SOS Brigade saviour and full time watchdog over Haruki for the alien Data Integrated Sentient Entity. Strangely, his background makes more sense than Haruki's which makes no sense at all. This alone just confuses my mind, so I'll stop talking about that for now. It's better to just believe Haruki's mindset of him being a quiet bookworm that excels in many things._

_Though from my viewpoint, I can't help but laugh at that stupid description. It's whatever._

_"Hey, where's Koizumi-san?"_

_Haruki shot Mitsuuru a glare. The maidboy instinctively flinched._

_"I-I'm not sure. I haven't seen her. It's not like her to be late."_

_While he started changing tea leaves in the automatic dispenser, I followed Haruki's example and started surveying the room. My eyes eventually met the costume rack. The bizarre sight held a froghead, (dreaded) bunny costumes, cheerleading outfits, a number of capes, a nurse, summer variations of the butler's outfit, and a few other articles of clothing that I had never really paid attention to._

_All of these outfits had at least one of us (Asahina-sempai, me, or Koizumi) in them at some point in time. Wow, there's a lot of clutter here. Why does Haruki have two spare maid outfits? Is he going to force Asahina-sempai to do some spring cleaning next year? Wait, spare maid outfits?! No way am I wearing that. You can't treat me like a doll!_

_"Mitsuuru, where's that tea?"_

_"Ah, right. Coming right up."_

_The pseudomaid quickly poured tea in a plastic teacup with "Haruki" written on the side. He then placed it on a tray and walked over to Haruki and placed it on the desk._

_"Incorrect!"_

_"E-eh?"_

_"Our contingency plan! You also need to learn the basics of becoming a passable woman, in case our attempts at making you manly fail."_

_"What? B-but I-"_

_"A proper maid would trip over herself and spill her tea just as she comes in close proximity of the person she serves. It's pure common knowledge that maids, waitresses, and hostesses are clumsy."_

_"Uh, right. Sorry."_

_'What sort of contingency plan is that? And Mitsuuru don't listen to him, not every girl is clumsy. Haruki's just using one of his ludicrous jokes."_

_"I'm not joking. In fact, Kyonko! Demonstrate for him."_

_"What?! No way. You can't make- hey!"_

_My protests didn't reach him. He pulled me to my feet and made Mitsuuru take my spot. Then he placed an apron over my head and handed me a tray with a teacup in one swift motion. He tapped the back of my head rather hardly, causing me to fall over on top of Asahina-sempai. I instinctively said sorry for spilling hot tea on him, but there wasn't anything to be sorry for... Haruki had used an empty teacup._

**(End of Baka-Tsuki's version)**

* * *

I quickly took the apron off and glared daggers at Haruki, though I don't think he noticed. At this moment, the fifth member arrived, though no one would really mind if she hadn't come.

"Sorry, I was delayed, since our class meeting was longer than expected."

Revealing her charmingly white smile and standing by the door is Koizumi Itsuko, Haruki's mysterious transfer student. Her beautiful face, which I wouldn't introduce my boyfriend to if I had one, was carrying her signature smile as usual.

"Looks like I'm the last to arrive. If the meeting's delayed because of me, then I sincerely

apologize. Maybe it would be better if we grab a bite first?"

Meeting? What meeting? I never knew of any meeting.

"I'd really have forgotten about it if you didn't mention it."

Looking down the table, Haruki said to me, "I told everyone else about it during lunch break already. I thought I could tell you any time anyway."

You had the time to go to other classrooms, yet you never bothered to tell me, who happens to sit right in front of you in the same classroom?

"Does it really matter? It's the same anyway. The issue is not when you get the message, but what we're doing now."

That's his way of putting things around. No matter what Haruki says, I'd never feel any better.

This is now common knowledge.

"What's more important, we need to discuss what we need to be doing soon!"

Please! Distinguish your present and future tenses! You don't even specify who you are referring to.

"All of us of course! Since this is an SOS Brigade activity."

What activity?

"Didn't I just say it? When else can we hold an activity besides during the school festival?"

Then it's not a brigade activity, but a school activity. If you really want to make the school festival more lively, then you ought to apply to join the festival executive committee. Then you'll have plenty of menial tasks to take care of.

"That won't be meaningful at all. What we need is an SOS Brigade-styled activity! It took us a lot of work to develop the brigade to its present state! There's no one in this school that doesn't know who we are! Don't you understand?"

What on earth is an SOS Brigade-styled activity? Thinking back on the activities that the SOS Brigade has held for the past six months, I suddenly felt melancholic. You are only saying whatever pops into your mind, that's easy for you, but do you know how much Asahina-sempai and I had to suffer these past six months? All Koizumi can do is smile like an idiot, while Nagato couldn't provide much help, you should be more considerate to people like me, who are by your side all the time. Oh, and Asahina-sempai's probably not normal as well, but since he's so cute, that's fine with me. Because all he needs to do is just stand there and let my eyes savour the scenery and caress the barren field in my heart.

"We need to do something that suits everyone's expectations," Haruki mumbled, looking unhappy.

Speaking of which, just who would expect anything from the SOS Brigade? Now that's something worthy for a questionnaire! The SOS Brigade has not even grown, the number of members has still remained the same, let alone being promoted into an Association. So it's best to maintain the status quo, but sooner or later, the Haruki Express is going to derail someday. There're only five passengers on this train, at least find a replacement for me. Or perhaps just give me an hourly salary, even 100 yen would do.

Haruki spent thirty seconds finishing his cup of tea, then asked Asahina-sempai for a second cup.

"What about you Mitsuuru? Do you have any plans?"

"Umm...You mean our class...We're planning on selling noodles and tea..."

"Mitsuuru is probably a waiter, right?"

Asahina-sempai widened his eyes.

"How did you know? I had wanted to do the cooking, but everyone else wanted me to..."

Haruki's eyes now looked intrigued, the sort of cunning eyes that are up to no good. His eyes

drifted towards the hanging rack, making it obvious he's thinking of a new costume. His expression was now full of thought.

"What about Koizumi'sclass?"

Koizumi lifted her eyebrow.

"We've decided to stage a play, but opinions in the class were split. Some wanted an original script, while others wanted a classic play. The school festival's coming up but we're still debating

intensely about it. It's going to be some time before things can be decided."

Ah, a lively class sure is so much better, though it can be troublesome.

"Hmm." Haruki's eyes now moved towards the remaining unspoken member."What about Yuuki?"

The alien who loved reading now lifted his head like a badger sensing the rain.

"Divinations." He replied without any emotion as usual.

"Divinations?" I now cut in and asked.

"Yes."

Nagato, whose face doesn't even look like it's breathing, nodded his head.

"You're in charge of divinations?"

"Yes."

Nagato doing divinations? Is he going to make prophecies? I can imagine Nagato in a black pointed cap, wearing a black cape and carrying a crystal ball; then I imagine a scene where he tells a couple, "You two will break up in fifty-eight days three hours and five minutes."

Couldn't you come up with a better lie? Whether Nagato can predict the future is another mystery I can never know.

Asahina-sempai's class is opening a stall, Koizumi's is staging a play, while Nagato's class is doing divinations? Why do other classes activities sound so much more interesting than our dull questionnaire activity? Oh yeah, what do you think? Why don't we combine all of the above and have a staged divination tea party play?

"Enough with the idiotic talk, the meeting starts now."

My previous opinion was kicked off cruelly by Haruki, who walked towards the white board. He pulled the conductor staff until it became as long as a radio antenna and whipped it on the white board.

There's nothing written on it, what do you want me to look at?

"There'll be something written in a while. Mitsuuru, you're in charge of the records. Carefully write down everything I say."

When did Asahina-sempai become the record keeper? I'm afraid no one knows, since Haruki has just decided that a moment ago. Asahina-sempai, butler and record keeper, picked up a felt-tip pen and sat by the board, looking up at Haruki's face.

Haruki said in an excited tone, "The SOS Brigade is going to make a movie!"

* * *

I really don't understand how Haruki's brain works. It doesn't really matter, since he's always like that. But then this won't be a meeting, but rather an opportunity for him to showcase his personal ideas.

"Hasn't it always been that way?" Koizumi said softly to me, carrying a smile so annoying perfect one has an urge to go draw it. Koizumi elegantly opened her mouth, "Suzumiya-san probably knew what he wanted to do since the beginning, so I don't think there's much to discuss. Did you tell him something you're not supposed to?"

I don't remember telling him anything about movies today. Maybe he saw a terrible C-movie last

night and found it too boring and now he's looking for a way to vent his frustration?

Yet Haruki was convinced his speech has moved the entire audience and looked very excited. "I bet you all have questions right now?"

I only have questions about how your brain works.

"When a TV series ends, they usually end with the main character dying, but wouldn't that be too unnatural? Why would he die right at the end? It doesn't make any sense, so I hate stories where someone dies at the end. I'd never make movies like that!"

Are we talking about movies or TV series?

"Didn't I just say we're making a movie? Even the ears of the haniwa figures are larger than yours. Go and memorize every single word of what I just said."

I'd rather memorize all the station names of the nearby railway than memorize your crap. Asahina-sempai, who doesn't look like he's actually from the Calligraphy Club, elegantly wrote the words "Movie Release" on the board, Haruki nodded his head in satisfaction.

"That's about it, you understand now?"

Haruki talked like a weather forecaster cheerfully predicting that the monsoon rain would be over soon.

"What about it?" I asked, which was natural of course. I only understood "Movie Release". Where does he intend to find a movie studio to endorse his movie? Could he have found a studio already?

Yet Haruki's dark pupils glittered as he smiled brightly, "Kyon, has your intelligence deteriorated? Of course _we _are going to make the movie. The movie is going to be shown in the school festival, with the caption 'SOS Brigade Presents' at the beginning."

"When did we become the Movie Study Group?"

"What are you rambling about? This will always be the SOS Brigade! I don't remember any Movie Study Group around here."

Haruki callously said something which would probably piss the Movie Study Group if they heard about it.

"This has been decided long ago! There will be no retrial! Further appeals will be rejected!"

Since the leader of the SOS Brigade jury says so, I don't suppose it can be overturned? Just who on earth shoved Haruki to the SOS Brigade commander throne? No, wait a minute, come to think of it, it was he who claimed the throne for himself. No matter what world you're in, it's always the loud and pretentious people that have ever inflating egos. Thanks to this, people like me and Asahina-sempai, who tend to follow the flow, will always feel confused. This is the conflict of this cold and cruel reality; it is also the truth.

As my mind delved into the philosophical question of what counts as an ideal society...

"So that's how it is." Koizumi said, as though she understood everything. She shared her smile equally between me and Haruki and said, "I understand now."

Hey, Koizumi, don't just gracefully accept the bomb that Haruki just dropped! Don't you have your own opinions on this?

Koizumi flicked her hair lightly off her shoulder, "From what I see, we're making a self-made movie to attract visitors to come watch it. Is that right?"

"Exactly!" Haruki whipped his "antenna" on the board.

Asahina-sempai shuddered, yet he still took the courage and said, "But...why decide to make a movie?"

"Last night, I found I couldn't sleep." Haruki brought the antenna before his eyes and swung it like a windscreen wiper. "So I turned on the TV and ended up watching a weird movie. I wasn't interested at first, but as I had nothing else to do, I decided to give it a look."

Just as I thought.

"That was a really boring movie, so boring I had an urge to make an international prank call to the director's house; that's why I came up with this idea."

The tip of the conductor staff pointed towards Asahina-sempai's tiny face.

"If that kind of movie can exist, then I can definitely make a better one!" Haruki puffed his chest confidently and said, "That's why I want to give it a try, do you have anything to say about that?"

Asahina-sempai shook his head vigorously as if in fear. Even if he did have an opinion, Asahina-sempai probably wouldn't say anything, while Koizumi is a nodding yes-girl, and Nagato never talks anyway, so the only one doing the talking would always be me.

"You seem determined to be a movie director or producer, that's fine with us, it's your choice and you can pursue that dream as you desire. That means we can now go ahead and pursue our own dreams as well."

"I don't get what you mean." Haruki had his lips stuck out like a duck.

I patiently explained my detailed analysis to him. "You say you want to make a movie, yet we never said anything about it. What if we don't like this suggestion? A movie can't be made with just a director alone."

"Relax, I've come up with a script already."

"No, that's not what I meant..."

"There's nothing to worry about. You just do what I tell you to, so don't worry."

I'm very worried.

"Let me do the planning, I'll take care of everything."

I'm even more worried now.

"Man, you sure are annoying! I'm gonna go ahead with what I said I'm gonna do. The aim is to get first place in the school festival activities poll! Who knows, those ignorant idiots at the Student Council may finally recognize the SOS Brigade as an official club...No! I'll _make _them recognize us. To achieve this goal, we must bring public opinion to our side first!"

Public opinion and exit polls aren't necessarily in direct proportion with each other, you know. I tried resisting.

"What about the production costs?"

"If you're talking about a budget, we have one."

Where? I don't believe the Student Council will grant a budget to this underground organization that openly conducts its activities.

"Isn't the Literature Club granted a budget as well?"

"That's the Literature Club's budget! You can't use that!"

"But Yuuki said it was OK."

Oh boy. I looked at Nagato's face, while Nagato lifted his head in slow motion to look at me, then without saying anything, slowly went back to reading his book.

_Won't there be people that want to join the Literature Club? _I didn't intend to ask this question, since it's possible that Nagato deliberately arranged for the Literature Club to be on the brink of being canceled. He seems to already know what Haruki is up to; it'll be a pity if someone else wants to join the Literature Club now. How I wish someone would reclaim the Literature Club from the clutches of Haruki.

Haruki didn't notice what I was thinking, waving his antenna in excitement, "Is everyone clear now? Treat this activity as more important than the one at your classes! If anyone has any dissenting opinions, they can tell me after the school festival, OK? The director's orders are absolute!" Haruki declared passionately, like a grizzly bear in a zoo holding on to an ice cube during the hot summer. The surroundings no longer concern him.

First he's a brigade commander, now he wants to be a director? What career does he intend to be in? ...And don't tell me you want to be a God.

"That's it for today! Since I need to think of how to choose the cast and crew and find sponsors. There's a lot of stuff involved in making a movie."

I'm not really sure what making a movie involves, but what on earth is he up to? Sponsors?

_Slam!_

A loud noise echoed across the room. I turned and found Nagato closing his book. That sound has now become the unofficial signal for the SOS Brigade to end its business for the day.

"We'll discuss the details tomorrow!"

After leaving this sentence, Haruki fled the room like a cat hearing a can of cat food being opened. I don't think there are any details left to explain.

"But isn't that fine?"

The only person who would say that is definitely Koizumi.

"As long as it's not hunting for aliens, a circus freak show, or shooting down a UFO and displaying its contents, then I'm relieved."

Where have I heard this before?

The smiling esper covered her mouth and giggled. "Besides, I'm quite interested in what movie Suzumiya-san is making, I feel I can imagine more or less what's on his mind."

Koizumi glanced towards Asahina-sempai, who was cleaning the teacups.

"This could be an interesting school festival, it'll be fun."

Influenced by her, my eyes also turned towards Asahina-sempai. Just as we were staring at him...

"Ah! W...what are you looking at?"

Noticing two girls staring at him, Asahina-sempai stopped what he was doing and blushed furiously.

I answered inside my heart.

_Oh no, it's nothing. I was just thinking, what costume would Haruki be bringing this time?_

Preparing to go home...or rather, simply placing the book into his bag, Nagato stood up silently and headed towards the door. Could Nagato be reading a book about divinations? Because it's written in a foreign language that I couldn't understand.

"But..." I mumbled.

A movie...huh?

To be honest, I'm a bit interested as well, of course my interest is not as deep as Koizumi's, probably just as deep as those marine plankton living off the continental shelf.

Perhaps I should look forward to it?

Since no one else is expecting anything from it.

* * *

I take back everything I just said, I don't look forward to anything because after school the next day, I was already suffering.

**- Presented by: The SOS Brigade**

**- Executive Producer / Director / Screenwriter: Suzumiya Haruki**

**- Male Lead: Asahina Mitsuuru**

**- Female Lead: Koizumi Itsuko**

**- Supporting Character: Nagato Yuuki**

**- Assistant Director / Cinematography / Editing / Equipment / Information Gathering Other Menial Tasks: Kyon**

When I saw what was written in the notebook, I only thought of one thing, "So what is it exactly that I'm doing?"

"What was written on it, of course." Like an orchestra conductor, Haruki waved his conductor staff. "You're the backstage staff, just as the cast and crew allocation has described. We've got a formidable cast, right?"

"A...am I the lead?" Asahina-sempai asked in a soft voice. Today he wore his usual school uniform instead of his butler costume, since Haruki said he didn't need to change today. Looks like Haruki's going to bring Asahina-sempai somewhere.

"If possible, can I just have a minor role..." Asahina-sempai pleaded with Haruk, a mixture of fear and sadness plastered on his face.

"No," Haruki replied. "I'm going to make Mitsuuru famous, after all, you're like the registered trademark of our brigade. All you need to do is practice signing autographs. Since when the movie premieres, the fans will be queuing up for your signature."

Movie premiere? Where does he intend to hold such an event?

Asahina-sempai doesn't seem too comfortable with this.

"...But I can't act."

"Don't worry, I'll guide you well."

Asahina-sempai lifted his head in trepidation and looked at me, and sadly lowered his eyebrows.

There were only three of us here right now. Since Nagato and Koizumi had meetings for their classes' festival activities, they were going to be late today. I never thought there would be people who would stay behind after school to prepare for these things; I mean, all they needed to do was just sit there and get it over with. I was amazed there were quite a number of people who were serious about it.

"On the other hand, Yuuki and Koizumi aren't serious about this," Haruki said in annoyance.

Not knowing how to vent his anger, he pointed her finger at me, "I clearly said this activity takes priority over the rest. Yet they chose to be late so they can attend their classes' activities. I really need to give them a warning."

Don't act like this is my fault. Maybe Nagato and Koizumi had a better sense of belonging with their classes than Haruki and I. From a certain perspective, it's actually more strange for the three of us to be here at this time.

I suddenly thought of something.

"Asahina-sempai, don't you need to attend your class's meeting?"

"Um, I'm only on the staff responsible for serving the customers, so all that's left is to design the costumes. I still don't know what costume I'm going to wear, but I'm looking forward to it."

Asahina-sempai blushed and smiled. He already seems used to cosplaying now. Instead of sticking around with the SOS Brigade and being forced to wear all sorts of meaningless costumes without any reasons at all, wouldn't it be better for him to wear something appropriate for the right occasion? It's perfectly normal for waiters to appear in a noodle stall, more so than a butler, or even sometimes a maid, in the Literature Club room.

I never knew how Haruki managed to include that in the discussion topic.

"So, Mitsuuru, you wanted to dress up as a waiter? Why didn't you say so? That'll make things easy, I'll find a costume for you."

I don't really mind you making these sort of witty remarks, but don't you think that it's inappropriate for people in the Literature Club room to wear all sorts of costumes besides their uniform? Even the nurse costume before was questionable, if he has to wear a costume, I still find the butler costume the best...Is this a personal fetish of mine?

"Oh, all right."

Haruki turned towards me,

"Kyon, do you know what the most important thing is when making a movie?"

Hmm...Well, I tried to recall every movie scene that has moved me which is worthy for reference. When I finished thinking, I confidently answered,

"Innovation and passion?"

"It's nothing that abstract!"

Haruki rejected my thinking.

"It's a camera, of course! How are we going to shoot a movie without one?"

You may be right, but I wasn't talking about something so pragmatic...Forget it, it's not like I have a lot of innovative ideas or passion for movie making and movie theories, so I wasn't going to argue.

"It's decided." Haruki retracted his conductor staff and threw it on the commander's desk.

"We will now go obtain a camera."

_Thud! _The sound of a chair backtracking could be heard. I turned and saw that Asahina-sempai's face had gone pale. Can't really blame him; after all, Haruki had savagely looted the computer in this room from the Computer Study Group, using poor Asahina-sempai as a sacrifice.

Asahina-sempai's brown hair shivered, he slowly opened his soft lips and said, "U...umm...S...Suzumiya-san, I just remembered something, I need to go back to the classroom."

"Be quiet." Haruki wore a horrible expression.

Asahina-sempai shuddered and instantly sat back on his chair wearily.

Haruki grinned. "Don't worry."

Just because you said "don't worry" doesn't guarantee something worth worrying about won't happen.

"This time I won't be using Mitsuuru's body as an offering, I only need your help this time."

This was actually a bit worrying, I hope he wasn't planning on using my body as a sacrifice instead. Asahina-sempai looked at me with eyes as sad as a calf being sent on a truck to the slaughterhouse.

Without shouting loudly, I said to Haruki,

"At least tell us what you want us to help on! Or both Asahina-sempai and I won't leave this place."

Haruki's expression read, "What's with these two?"

He said, "I'm going to find a sponsor, it's easier to make an impression if I bring the male lead along, right? You come too! Since you have to carry the equipment."

* * *

**And thus is the conclusion of volume 2 chapter 1!**

**Please comment if you have any problems or suggestions about things that should be changed. I would really appreciate them!**

**I really hope that you enjoyed my first ever chapter published on fanfiction!**

**~SoftApplePie**


	3. Volume 2 Chapter 2

**Here's chapter 2 up!**

**I haven't been at school for the past couple of days cuz I just got my wisdom teeth out so I've finished a couple of chapters.**

**Hopefully I'll be able to stick to at least one chapter a week, and I ope that if anyone reads this they'll enjoy it!**

**Again, I own this story or it's characters in no way at all.**

**Now, commence chapter 2!**

* * *

It's already autumn yet for some reason the weather's hardly cool. It's as if the planet has its seasons all wrong and had forgotten to bring autumn over to Japan. The summer heat has now been indefinitely extended, and unless someone comes and hits a home run, it's unlikely this will end soon. Even if it does, one gets the feeling that autumn would still be shoved aside by winter anyway when it comes.

"We might be late already." Haruki said, so we packed our bags and left the school. Haruki hurriedly ran along the long winding slope. Just where is he headed? I would understand if we were headed for the Computer Study Group since, after all, we're a mysterious club that has existed for six months without anyone even knowing what the founding principle is. Being driven out would be a logical end for us.

We descended from the hill and rode on the local suburban railway. Three stops later, we've arrived at the area with the cherry blossom path that Asahina-sempai and I had walked along together at one point. This place contains a supermarket complex and a shopping street, and because of such, is quite a busy and crowded spot.

"Right here." Haruki finally stopped and pointed to an electronics store.

"I see," I replied.

He's probably going to blackmail the store for their movie equipment. I wonder how he's going to do it this time? Surely he won't use Asahina-sempai's body again like he did with the computer club.

"You two wait here while I go in and negotiate."

Haruki shoved his bag at me and walked into the glass-covered store without any hesitation.

Asahina-sempai hid behind me, constantly peeking at the store which was illuminated by all the lighting equipment. He was like a shy elementary school kid visiting his friend's place for the first time.

As I look at the back of Haruki, waving his arms and talking to what seemed to be the store manager, my desire to protect Asahina-sempai grew. Haruki better not try anything funny involving my poor Asahina-sempai.

Through the glass, Haruki talked and pointed his finger first at the equipment, then at himself, and then at the manager. Meanwhile the manager nodded nonstop. I wonder whether I should warn her to not believe what he says so easily?

After a while, Haruki turned around and pointed his finger towards us, who were already prepared to escape if anything went wrong. He then gave a warm smile, waved his arms, and continued his presentation. He's starting to make me nervous.

"What's he doing...?" Asahina-sempai asked, as he stood behind me, sticking his head out and retracting it again. If even Asahina-sempai, a time traveler from the future, doesn't know the answer, then there's no chance that I would know.

"Who knows? Probably demanding for them to hand him their best digital camera for free."

He's the sort of person who can do such a thing without even flinching. Since he truly believes himself to be the center of the universe with everything else revolving around him.

"What a bother."

I remember discussing something similar with Nagato before.

Haruki believes his values and judgment to be absolute. He doesn't understand what others think, or realize that they may think differently, or rather, it has never occurred to him that his way of thinking may be completely different from others' since the beginning. If people want to achieve time travel, just put Haruki on a spaceship. Since he probably wouldn't give a damn about the Theory of Relativity anyway.

As I mentioned this to Nagato, all that the silent alien said was, "Your opinion may be correct."

For Nagato, this is very meaningful. For others, Suzumiya Haruki is a joke.

"Oh, it seems like they're done." Asahina-sempai's whisper brought me back to reality from my daydreams.

Haruki emerged from the electronics store with a satisfied look, carrying a small box in his arms.

There was a picture of the product by the side of the box with a brand name. If I'm not mistaken, that was a camera all right.

Just what threats did he use to intimidate the opposition?

Did he threaten to burn the store down? Or maybe start a boycott campaign? Or perhaps to send

them prank faxes all night? Or to start a tantrum right there? Could he even have threatened to blow himself up along with the store?

"Don't be ridiculous! I'm not the sort to resort to blackmail!" Oh really, then what was that little stunt that you played with the computer club?

Haruki walked along happily, under the glass roof of the shopping street.

"We've now completed the first step! This is too easy!"

I was forced to carry the box containing the camera while I followed Haruki. He's obviously stronger than me so why did I have to carry it. Staring at the back of Haruki's head I asked, "How did you manage to obtain such an expensive item? Is it because you discovered the manager's dirty secrets?"

Indeed, the first words Haruki said when he emerged from the store were, "We got it!" If the manager was so willing to give things away, I'm willing to queue up as well. So please, tell me the magic words you used!

Haruki turned and smiled, "It was nothing really! I said I wanted to make a movie and needed a camera, and she said 'Okay.' There was no problem at all."

I felt that even though things were going smoothly now, it wouldn't end so easily. Could I be worrying too much?

"Don't sweat the small stuff, just happily be my servant and things will be fine!" Wait, when did I become your servant!

Unfortunately, up until now, I still held the uneasy feeling from this spring, of boarding a cruise ship called the Titanic. I wanted to send out an SOS signal, but sadly, I don't know Morse code, and I'm not the sort of person who can be glad at being called a servant.

"All right! Now for the next store!"

In the bustling crowd, Haruki waved his arms and strode forward. I exchanged glances with

Asahina-sempai, and then hurriedly followed along behind Haruki.

* * *

Haruki next visited a toy and model store.

As before, Asahina-sempai and I were left outside while he went in to negotiate. I was beginning to have an idea of what he was up to, since every time he pointed out towards us, his finger was always directed towards Asahina-sempai. If I'm guessing correctly, he must be using Asahina-sempai as some sort of bargaining chip. Asahina-sempai has yet to realize this, as he was curiously studying a globe on display in the window.

A few minutes later, Haruki came out carrying a huge box with him. What is it this time?

"A weapon," Haruki replied, and shoved the box to me. My arms were already getting cramped enough from the camera and now he wants me to carry a weapon as well. I looked carefully and saw it was a plastic model; it looked like a gun-shaped weapon. What could he need with this stuff?

"We'll need this for the action scenes, the gun fights that is! An intense battle is the basic ingredient for any entertaining movie. If it's possible, I want to blow up an entire building as well. Do you know where they sell explosives? I wonder if the hardware store has them."

How the hell should I know? At least I know you won't find them in the convenience stores or on the internet. Maybe they have some in the stone quarry... I had wanted to remind Haruki of this, but quickly dispelled the thought, mainly because he would probably go there in the middle of the night and steal some dynamite and wires for himself.

I lowered the camera and plastic model boxes and shook my head. "What should we do with these boxes?"

"You take them home first, and then bring them to the club room tomorrow. It's too troublesome taking it back to school now."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"But I can barely carry them as it is and now you want me to lug them back home."

"You'll live. Besides, you could probably do with building up a bit of muscle." Haruki crossed his arms and gave a benevolent expression. That was a smile rarely seen in the classroom, and reserved only for the SOS Brigade, and every time Haruki makes such a smile, I always had to take care of the rest. Just what was I to him?

"Excuse me..." Asahina-sempai politely raised his arm, "What should I be doing...?"

"You can go home now, Mitsuuru. Your work is done for today."

Asahina-sempai blinked his eyes and had the look as someone that had just been possessed by a fox. Since all Asahina-sempai ever did today was blindly follow Haruki and me, he probably doesn't know why Haruki had asked him to come along in the first place, though I could guess what Haruki was up to.

Haruki walked energetically like a gym instructor and led us to the station. It seems like today's Haruki-ist activity was coming to an end. The loot included a camera and a few toy guns. Rather than by skillful negotiation, Haruki probably obtained these through very unorthodox means. The expenses were zero. In other words, we got them for free.

There used to be a saying, "There's nothing more terrifying than not needing to pay." The thing is, Haruki doesn't seem to care.

If someone knows something that would make him terrified, please, do let me know.

* * *

The next day, besides my bag, I had to carry some excess baggage up the slope.

"Hey, Kyon! What are you carrying? Some present for a certain model student?"

Running towards my side was Taniguchi, a classmate of Haruki's and mine, a very simple single celled organism, and as normal a high school student as you can find anywhere. Normal is such a great description for her. Right now, for me, normalcy is a rare commodity since this word represents the magic of the language used in reality.

I hesitated for a while, and then stuffed the lighter of the two supermarket bags into Taniguchi's arms.

"What the hell's this, a toy gun? I didn't know you had such hobbies."

"It's not my hobby, it's Haruki's."

I then gave Taniguchi a brief explanation, but Taniguchi was quite right in treating this as an odd hobby.

"I find it hard to imagine Suzumiya-san breaking this up and then reassembling and preserving it."

I too found it hard to imagine, so who else besides Haruki can break up and reassemble these things? I might as well tell everyone that when I was young I attempted to assemble a toy robot but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't attach its right shoulder and I threw it away out of frustration.

"You sure have it tough." Taniguchi said in a tone that didn't sound sympathetic at all, "Up to now, the only person capable of protecting Suzumiya-san has been you. This I can guarantee, so you'd better stick with him."

What the hell are you talking about? There's no way I would want to stick with Haruki! The one

I should be sticking around with is Asahina-sempai. I'm sure everyone would feel the same.

Taniguchi giggled like a gremlin. "Ah, that won't do, after all, he's the little angel of North High, the solace for the hearts of all the girls. If you don't want to be stuffed in a sack by half of the school, I suggest that you'd better watch your step. I don't suppose you'd like for me to stab you in the back with a knife, would you?"

"All right, then I'll go with the second best and pick Nagato."

"That won't do either. He may not look like it, but he has a lot of hidden admirers. How come he stopped wearing glasses? Has he switched to contacts?"

"Hmm… why don't you ask him yourself?"

"Ask? Up to now, no matter how hard I tried, he has ignored everything I've said. Everyone in

Nagato's class firmly believes that a single word he says is enough to determine the fate of the day."

Stop treating Nagato like a god. What sort of superstition is this? He may not be ordinary, but for his standards, he's actually quite normal. Though, I don't really know what his standards are.

"Anyway, you fit well with Suzumiya-san. Only you can carry out a decent conversation with that idiot, besides, he seems to be quite fond of you. You two might actually make a good couple. Keep a good eye on him and minimize the casualties to as low as possible. Oh yeah, the school festival is coming up, what huge event are you guys planning for then?"

"Who might make a good couple, please refrain from even joking about that kind of stuff. As for the festival, don't ask me, who knows what goes on in Haruki's head."

I'm not the spokesperson for the SOS Brigade, but Taniguchi continued, "Even if I asked

Suzumiya-san, he would just answer with something cryptic, and if I don't time my question correctly, I might even get attacked by him. As for Nagato Yuuki, you won't get anything out of him no matter what's being asked, while Asahina-sempai is off limits, as I'll probably be lynched by a mob if I tried to talk with him. So in the end, I had to ask you."

She sure is good at making excuses. Basically she just told me that I was her last and only option for gaining information.

As we got near the school entrance, I snatched the bag from Taniguchi's arms while looking

quite irritated.

I don't know what lies ahead in the midst of Haruki's madness, but I don't think it can be anything good. Yet, I'm not the only one walking with Haruki in this perilous journey. There are at least three others with me. Two of them can probably take care of themselves, but Asahina-sempai would be in great danger since he has no idea what to expect. It's as though he isn't from the future at all. But that's also where his charm lies.

"Which is why," I explained to Taniguchi, "Someone needs to protect him."

Ah, that's more like what a protagonist should be saying. Though I'm just protecting him from Haruki's sexual harassment. That's all.

I calmly continued, "Since I was given this chance, I have to protect him. I don't care what the rest of the girls in school say, be my guest if you want to form a fan girl's alliance or something like that."

Taniguchi continued to giggle like a gremlin. "You'd better tread carefully, since every month is a new month."

After leaving the sort of blackmail threat a conniving thief would use, Taniguchi walked past the school entrance.

* * *

As I carried my baggage and headed towards the corridor outside the classroom, I saw Haruki stuffing his things into his locker. I proceeded to put the camera equipment and model toy guns into my stainless steel locker as well.

"Kyon, we're gonna be busy today."

Without even saying good morning, Haruki slammed his locker door and gave me a smile as warm as early spring.

"Mitsuuru, Yuuki, and even Koizumi, I won't allow you guys to have any complaints!

The movie script in my mind has now neared completion. I can even hear it rumble; now all that remains is to just put it on screen."

"Really." I casually replied, and entered the classroom. My seat is the second from last of the row. Since the school term began, we've changed seats many times already, but so far I've never been allocated the seat in the back since Haruki always ends up sitting there behind me. I'm beginning to feel that it's too unnatural to be coincidental, yet I still wanted to believe that it was all just a coincidence.

If I don't tell myself that, I would lose faith in the word "coincidence," I sure am kind. I'm sure anyone who gets involved with Haruki would believe the same as I do. I'm like a midfielder in charge of intercepting any ball that's not controlled by either side, while Haruki is a hyper attacking striker standing in an offside position and running towards the goal. He's probably so offside that the nearest opponent is miles away, so even if he does get the ball, the linesman would have no choice but to raise the offside flag.

For Haruki, he'd probably say that's the linesman's mistake. He would say with a straight face that something is wrong with the rules and then proceed to pick up the ball, run past the goal posts and declare that he's scored a point. If that's the case, I suggest he stay away from rugby.

In order to deal with his inconsiderate attitude, the best way is to just pretend nothing ever happened and quietly leave the crime scene. Or to just give up on struggling and obey whatever he says.

Besides me, most of the classmates have chosen the former option.

So after the sixth session, with one more class to go, Okabe-sensei and the other students all had nothing to say about the seat behind me being empty. Did they not notice? Or did they choose not to notice? Or perhaps they just couldn't be bothered to waste their time worrying about such things? At any rate, everyone has agreed that it's best to leave her alone, so it's no longer important to know why.

I walked towards the clubroom with an ominous feeling, carrying the bag containing the boxes, and stopping before the Literature Club room.

I thought I heard something. The "Ahh's!" are the cute screams of Asahina-sempai, while the "Waah's!" are the chilling yells of Haruki. Here we go again.

If I opened the door now, I would probably see very pleasant scenery, but as a girl with common sense, I held back my desires and quietly waited outside.

After about five minutes, the soft screams of resistance have finally subsided, as it always ends with Haruki putting his arms on his waist and smiling victoriously. Like a rabbit that can never defeat a snake, there's no way Asahina-sempai can ever defeat Haruki.

I knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

Haruki's energetic reply echoed through the door. I tried to guess what was contained within the paper bags that he brought this morning, while opening the door, and entering the clubroom. As expected, Haruki's victorious smile greeted me, but I was already tired of that expression. I turned my gaze towards the person sitting before Haruki on a steel chair, and I felt my temperature rising instantly.

A waitress was sitting right there, looking at me with watery eyes.

"..."

Her, I mean his, hair was a bit messy, the waitress lowered his head and kept silent like Nagato. Haruki had the waitress's brown haired wig tied into two ponytails. Amazingly, Nagato was nowhere to be seen.

"So how is it?"

Haruhi snorted and asked me. What's with that face telling me it's all thanks to you? Asahina-sempai's cuteness is a god-given gift, yet...

I actually think he looks great in this costume. How this helps make Asahina-sempai more manly is beyond me but it would be best not to say anything and enjoy this sight for the moment. I wonder what Asahina-sempai thinks? He wouldn't disagree with me having such thoughts, would he? Though, isn't his skirt a bit too short?

Like 100% pure fruit juice, Asahina-sempai the female waitress clutched his hands and placed them tightly on his fists and sat stiffly.

This costume looks perfect on you; it's as if it were made especially for you. Thanks to this, I silently stared at Asahina-sempai for thirty seconds. Suddenly someone patted my shoulders and nearly had me jumping in fright. Looking behind me I saw Koizumi.

"Sorry about yesterday. We still have to revise the script today, but I insisted on leaving early since I didn't have the opportunity to prepare with you guys from beginning to end yesterday."

She smiled with her pearly white teeth and then glanced in the clubroom over my shoulder.

"Hi." She smiled cheerfully.

"This costume..." Koizumi walked past me, placed her bag on the table and sat down on one of the steel chairs. "Suits you wonderfully. I wonder what it would look like on Kyon?"

Damn you Koizumi, don't give him any ideas. Anyways, what I don't understand is what a waitress is doing here in a crummy old room instead of in a cafe or restaurant.

"That's because," Haruki said, "I wanted Mitsuuru to wear this costume in the movie."

What's wrong with the maid costume?

"Maids only do certain tasks for the rich in their mansions. Waitresses are different, they appear on the street corner, or in some store, and provide all sorts of services to the mass public at an hourly rate of 730 Yen."

I don't know if that hourly rate is considered high or low, but at any rate, I don't think Asahina-sempai would dress up as a maid just so he can work in some mansion. It's a different story if Haruki actually payed for his services though, which I doubt would ever happen.

"Stop picking at the small details! It all has to do with how you feel, and I feel this looks good."

You may think so, but what about Asahina-sempai, it looks as if he's going to explode with embarrassment any moment now.

"Umm... Suzumiya-san... I think this costume is a bit small for me..."

Asahina-sempai's probably worried about his underwear showing, since he's tightly pressing the edge of his skirt down. Wait, did Haruki actually go as far as to make him wear panties as well. I guess it would be pretty weird to see a waitress who, according to Haruki, is very "manly" down there. Unfortunately this action only served to unsettle me further, and before I knew it, my eyes were transfixed upon that spot.

"I think this suits you just fine."

It took a lot of effort to move my gaze away and fix it towards Haruki, who was smiling like the devil himself. Haruki aimed his pupils, which can only see what's before them, to me. Suddenly his grin got creepy.

"The concept for our movie this time is..."

He pointed towards Asahina-sempai's shivering back.

"This."

What do you mean "this"? You want to make a documentary of a girl working part-time in a teashop?

"No! There's not much fun in making a candid camera show of Mitsuuru's daily life. We've

got to make a movie about the daily life of an extraordinary, cross-dressing person, only then can the movie be attractive. Making a documentary about the daily life of an ordinary high school student is just satisfying one's ego."

I don't think that Asahina-sempai would be satisfied by making this movie. I believe someone else needs to have their ego satisfied, and I believe that Asahina-sempai's daily life is already extraordinary enough, but I decided to keep quiet.

"As the director of the SOS Brigade, I will carry out the mission to entertain the masses. Just you wait! I will make everyone give me a standing ovation!"

Looking carefully, I realized Haruki's "Commander" armband had now been replaced with the word "Director." Such a meticulous person. An excited male director, a depressed lead actor and a lead actress smiling enigmatically as though she's only a bystander, I really don't know how to describe this scene. At this moment, the clubroom door opened.

"…"

I thought it was someone else, and for a moment my mind was filled with terror. I thought my short life had finally come to an end, since even Death had come to receive me. I even thought I was in the backstage of the movie where Salieri slowly destroyed Mozart as he composed his Requiem.

"…"

Nagato's usual pale face silently emerged from the doorway. He only showed his face, while his body was shrouded in darkness.

I wasn't the only one frightened into silence, Haruki and Asahina-sempai weren't any better, even Koizumi's usual smile carried a bit of fearfulness in it. Nagato was wearing a strange costume that even Asahina-sempai would feel startled in. He had covered himself with a black cloak, wearing an equally pitch black pointed hat, a recognizable wizard outfit.

Under our petrified gaze, Nagato, who was dressed like Death, silently walked to his reserved

seat by the corner, took out his bag and hard-back book from under his cloak, and placed it on the table.

Ignoring our stunned glances, he began to read his book.

* * *

Looks like this would be the costume used for divinations for his class during the school festival.

Being the first to recover from the shock, Haruki bombarded Nagato with a series of questions. From his monosyllabic replies, we came to this conclusion: there must be a talented fashion designer in his class to be able to make Nagato enjoy wearing this costume around.

Nagato entered the room in such a terrifying doll-like costume, has he secretly decided to compete with Asahina-sempai in his own way? His logic is even harder to understand than Haruki's!

Under this silent atmosphere which none dared to speak, only Haruki exclaimed excitedly, "So you've finally got the hang of it, Yuuki? This costume is excellent!"

Nagato slowly moved his eyes towards Haruki and then returned his gaze to his book.

"This costume matches exactly with my character concept! Do tell me later who designed this costume for you, I'd like to send him a telegraph to thank him for his efforts!"

Oh please, sending him a congratulatory telegraph would just make him even more suspicious, worrying whether there's some hidden meaning to it. Can't you objectively notice how everyone else thinks of you?

Haruki was already in seventh heaven. Humming the Turkish Rondo, he opened his bag and took out a few pieces of printed paper. He then handed the papers to each of us, while beaming like Kintarou who had just beaten the black bear.

I had no choice but to direct my gaze towards the piece of paper.

On it was scribbled the following:

**"Battle Waitress - The Adventures of Asahina Mitsuuru (Working Title)"**

**- Cast**

**- Asahina Mitsuuru - the cross-dressing Battle Waitress from the future**

**- Koizumi Itsuko - the Esper youth**

**- Nagato Yuuki - the evil alien**

**- Extras - everyone else**

...Oh god, what on earth is this? He actually guessed them all correctly.

I was totally shocked. I didn't know whether he had amazing skills of deductions, or he simply guessed blindly and got them all correct. I even suspected that he pretended not to know.

To be able to make such correct judgments out of the blue, just what kind of power was that?

I was speechless for a moment, and only came to my senses when I heard someone giggling besides me. That could only be Koizumi,

"Oh, I see..."

She seemed rather pleased; I really am envious of her.

"How should I say this? As expected from Suzumiya-san perhaps? Only Suzumiya-san could have come up with such characters, simply amazing."

Don't smile at me like that, you're making me uncomfortable.

Asahina-sempai gripped the stack of A4 paper with his hands, which were trembling as he stared at the contents.

"Ah..."

He exclaimed softly and looked at me, carrying an expression as though asking to be rescued. I looked carefully and noticed his eyes carried a sense of extreme sadness with a bit of reproachfulness, like a cute big brother berating a young kid for pulling a naughty prank...Ah, now I remember. After what happened six months ago, I told Haruki about their true identities.

Uhmm, oh dear. Was it my fault?

I frantically looked at Nagato, and saw that the alien-created Living Humanoid Interface, wearing his black cloak and pointy hat...

"..."

...Was still silently reading his book.

"It's not that big of a problem." Koizumi said optimistically, I wasn't even in the mood to laugh.

"I know it's not funny, but it's not all that gloomy."

"How do you know?"

"Because this is only a character allocation for the movie. Suzumiya-san doesn't really believe that I'm an esper, it's only in the fictional movie world that the character Koizumi Itsuko, played by me, happens to be an esper."

Koizumi sounded like a personal tutor lecturing at a student with a short-term memory.

"The Koizumi Itsuko in the real world and this 'Koizumi Itsuko' are two different people. I don't suppose that you would confuse me with the character I play. Even if someone were to confuse between the two, it wouldn't be Suzumiya-san."

"I just can't relax. No one can guarantee that what you say is correct."

"If he had confused the real world with a fictional one, this world would have become a science fiction realm already. I've said it before, Suzumiya-san may not look like it, but he does think logically within the confines of reality."

Of course I also knew that because Haruki's way of thinking was always in half-fantasy mode, that was why I always got involved in all sorts of peculiar events. To top it all, the perpetrator Haruki was not even aware of it himself.

"Because we offered no proof." Koizumi said calmly, "Perhaps one day things will develop to an extent where his awareness will become inevitable, but that's not the case now. It's good that the forces Asahina-sempai and Nagato represent think the same way as well, so I believe it's fine if we keep it like this forever."

I thought so too, since I don't want to see the world getting messed up. It would be a pity if the world ends before I could even have a chance of beating the video game that comes out next week.

Koizumi continued smiling, "Instead of worrying about the world, you should take care of yourself more. It's possible for me and Nagato-san to be replaced with someone else easily, but not you."

In order not to let Koizumi see my now complex thoughts, I pretended to concentrate on loading the toy gun.

* * *

Today, Haruki spent the time having Asahina-sempai try out the costume, announced the character allocation for everyone, and then called it a day. In fact, he had planned to drag Asahina-sempai, dressed in his waitress costume, everywhere around school, and then open a press conference to promote his movie. But as Asahina-sempai was close to tears, I tried everything to make him drop that idea. I told him in this high school, there was no News Society, or Journalist Society, and definitely no Advertising Society.

Haruki looked at me, his lips sticking out like a bird's beak, and looked down and said, "Yeah, you're right."

I never thought he would back off so quickly.

"It's better to keep things secret until the last moment. Kyon, you're quite smart for your level of intelligence. It'll be troublesome if things were to leak out beforehand."

This isn't some Hollywood or Hong Kong action movie; no one would be interested in stealing your weird ideas.

"Then Kyon, you're responsible for making sure that gun is up and ready by today, because shooting starts tomorrow. You need to learn how to use a camera as well. Oh yeah, you need to look for software that could upload the video clip onto the computer for digital editing, and..."

And so, Haruki shoved a whole load of work to me. I tried to protest only to have him reply with an evil grin, "Well you and Mitsuuru could always switch positions."

On second thought I'll just stick with what I've got, sorry Asahina-sempai I took away your one and only chance to get out of this.

Haruki really knows how to give people a lot of trouble no matter how they are feeling. Seriously!

So right now, Koizumi and I are busy reading the instruction manual and figuring out how to fire the BB bullets from the toy gun.

After changing, Asahina-sempai went home with his shoulders drooped low. Nagato also disappeared without even taking his bag in that witch costume as though being invited for the Sabbath. Looks like Nagato only came to show us his costume. Judging by his style, there may be some meaning for him to do that, though it's also possible he only came just to visit. He's probably busy doing something in his classroom, like predicting the future with his crystal ball.

* * *

I had a feeling the school was getting livelier day after day. Every day after school, the trumpets in the third-rate orchestra stopped going out of tune and began to be in synch; there were also people cutting up plywood and balsa in every hidden corner of the school; while the number of students dressed up in weird costumes like Nagato's was increasing every day.

Yet, this was only a school activity held by a simple prefectural high school, it doesn't seem like it would be a big thrill. In my opinion, only half the school at most were still trying hard to make their school life more enjoyable. Our class, 1-5, on the other hand, had long abandoned trying to have fun at the festival. Those students without any club affiliations would probably have plenty of time to spare by then, and Taniguchi and Kunikida were perfect representatives of the "Go Home After School Club."

"This school festival," Taniguchi began.

It was during lunch break, I was hanging out with these two insignificant side characters as we ate our boxed lunches.

"What about the school festival?" Kunikida asked.

Taniguchi revealed a smile that was pathetically hideous compared to Koizumi's elegant smile, "Sure is a super event."

Could you please not sound like Haruki!? The smile from Taniguchi's face faded suddenly, "Yet it has nothing to do with me, that sure pisses me off."

"Why is that?" Kunikida asked.

"I don't think it's fun at all. And those people that look busy sure tick me off, especially those where the girls are paired with the guys. Makes me want to kill them!"

I guess this is what they call a jealous rage?

"What about our class? Holding a survey? Hmph! That's way too boring! It's just going to be stupid questions about what's your favourite colours! What's the point of collecting such information anyway?"

If you're so dissatisfied, why don't you suggest something else then? Maybe then Haruki wouldn't have had the time to go make a movie.

Taniguchi swallowed a sausage and said, "I'm not going to get myself in trouble by making such suggestions. Sigh, I don't mind making suggestions, it's just that I would be put in charge of the event if the suggestion is followed."

Kunikida stopped cutting her rolled cake and said, "You're right."

"It's only the foolish that would dare come out with any suggestions, or those with a strong sense of responsibility, like if Asakura-san were still here."

She mentioned the name of the student that had moved to Canada. I would still break a cold sweat every time I hear that name. Though it was Nagato that made Asakura disappear, I was the cause of his departure. I also did nothing to prevent him from disappearing back then, so it's too late to regret it now.

"Man, this is such a pity," Taniguchi said, "Why did that perfect, bright student leave us? He was the sole reason I felt grateful for being in this class. Damn, I wonder if it's too late to request to move to a different class?"

"Which class do you have in mind?" Kunikida asked, "Nagato's class? Oh, speaking of which, I saw him wandering around dressed like a wizard, just what was that all about?"

Well, I'm not sure myself.

"Nagato, huh..."

Taniguchi looked at me, her face suddenly looked as though she had to face a math pop quiz, and said as though realizing something,

"So when did it begin? I saw you embracing him in the classroom back then. That's probably one of Suzumiya's scripts. You did that to scare me on purpose, right? You can't fool me."

It's a good thing Taniguchi misinterpreted the whole thing, the weight on my shoulders was instantly lifted at once. ...Wait a minute, didn't you come in the classroom because you forgot to bring something, how were we supposed to know you were coming? ...Of course, I didn't tell him about this. Taniguchi is an idiot, and there's really no point in telling an idiot that she's an idiot. Sometimes I'm even grateful that the gods have made Taniguchi an idiot at birth.

"Speaking of which, that sure was nonsense,"

Taniguchi said gratefully, Kunikida was busy eating, while I looked behind me. Haruki's seat was empty, just what was he up to now?

* * *

"I was looking around the school for places where I could shoot the movie," Haruki said, "But there was no suitable location. There's just no way we could create any atmosphere inside the school, let's go outside!"

He may not like the atmosphere in the school, but he didn't have to go through the trouble of finding a lively spot outside just because of that. He seemed determined to make it big.

"Um... D... Do I have to go, too?" Asahina-sempai asked in a terrified tone.

"Of course. We can't be without our star."

"I... In this costume?"

Asahina-sempai shivered, since like yesterday, today he was again forced to wear that waitress costume, which I have no idea how Haruki obtained it.

"Well, of course."

Haruki nodded as a matter-of-factly, Asahina-sempai embraced himself and squirmed.

"Wouldn't it be too bothersome if you have to change all the time? We might not be able to find a place to change there anyway. So you might as well wear that all day, right? C'mon! Let's go!"

"At least let me wear something on top..." Asahina-sempai pleaded.

"No!"

"But it's too embarrassing."

"You have to feel embarrassed in order to portray that subtle shy feeling! How do you expect to win the Golden Globe like that?"

Wasn't our objective just to win the best event for the school festival?

Today everyone in the brigade was gathered in the club room. Koizumi came as well, her class' theatre script being sorted out already, smiling at the one-sided interaction between Haruki and Asahina-sempai. Nagato was here as well, though he posed another problem.

"..."

He was silent as usual, that was nothing, but he looked strange today. For some reason, he was again dressed in that wizard outfit that he came to show us yesterday. He could just wear that on the day of the school festival, he didn't have to start wearing it now.

Haruki looked really fond of Nagato's black cloak and pointed hat.

"Your role is now the 'Evil Alien Magician!'"

In no time he had already altered the script. I watched as Haruki stuffed into Nagato's hand a conductor rod, which on its tip was fitted a decorative star, the sort usually used to decorate Christmas trees, while Nagato stood motionless. For some reason, even I had no problem with this silent bookworm playing the role of an alien magician. Maybe this role would suit Nagato better than the so-called Integrated Data Entity, because he could indeed wield magical powers, at least for my eyes, so it can't be wrong.

Nagato suddenly pushed up the brim of his hat and looked at me with his expressionless eyes.

"..."

I had concerns about how Haruki decided on his own to use costumes originally designed for other classes' activities for his movie, but for him, such problems simply do not exist.

"Kyon! Have you prepared the camera? Koizumi-kun, I'm counting on you to carry the equipment there. Mitsuuru-chan! Why are you still grabbing the table? Hurry up and move on!"

Asahina-sempai's weak resistance was futile. Haruki simply grabbed the back of the waitress's collar and dragged his tiny figure towards the door as he whimpered nonstop. Nagato followed behind dragging the tail of his cloak, while Koizumi went last, winked at me, and then disappeared into the corridor.

Just as I was thinking whether it was still possible for me to not go...

"Hey! We can't make a movie without a cameraman!"

Haruki stuck his upper torso in the opened door and yelled loudly at me with his mouth wide open. Before I knew it I was swept off my feet and draped over his shoulder but my protests didn't seem to faze him.

It seemed he was dead serious about it.

* * *

Haruki the self-proclaimed "Great Director," despite not having any prior directorial experience before, led the way; the cute waitress lowered his head and followed, while the gloomy young witch trailed behind like a shadow. Koizumi carried the paper bags and smiled brightly... I tried my best to be released from Haruki's grasp, wishing to be anywhere but here with this bizarre group.

Already capturing the attention of the school as we walked along, this Halloween costume entourage became the focus of attention as it stepped outside of school. Asahina-sempai walked dejectedly amongst us. After two minutes of walking, he hung his head down low, three minutes and he was already blushing furiously, five minutes later, he was basically floating on thin air like a depressed ghost.

Haruki walked ahead beaming brightly as though the heavens are about to shake, carrying me like a sack of potatoes. I don't know when he had it prepared as I saw him carrying a yellow loudspeaker and a director's chair in his free arm, striding gallantly like the Mongol hordes marching west across the grassy plains. As I was wondering where he was about to strike next, I noticed we had reached the train station. Haruki released me, thank god, and bought five tickets handing one to each of us, then marched on as a matter-of-factly towards the ticket turnstiles.

"Hold it."

I gave my objection before Asahina-sempai could even speak. I pointed towards the waitress in a mini-skirt, who was drawing all the gazes from everywhere, and the black cloaked witch, who was standing like a bystander, and said, "You're going to let them ride the train dressed like that?"

"Is there a problem?" Haruki pretended not to understand and countered, "If they didn't wear anything, they might get arrested. But they're dressed just fine! Or are you thinking that a bunny girl costume would be better? Then why didn't you say so earlier? I wouldn't mind making you lead actress and changing the working title to 'Battle Bunny-Girl!'"

This shouldn't come from someone deliberately bringing a person in a waitress costume... By the way, I thought you said you had the concept of the movie thought out already? I'm not too sure about this, but can you just alter the concept of the movie whenever you please?

I tried my hardest to guess what on earth our director was thinking.

"The ability to adapt to circumstances is vital. That's how life on earth evolved to this day through survival of the fittest. You'll go extinct if you stop thinking! We must learn how to adapt in order to survive!"

Adapt to what? If mother nature were sentient, I'm sure the first thing she would do was to drive Haruki out of the atmosphere of the earth.

Koizumi was reduced to a smiling slave in charge of carrying the equipment, Nagato remained silent, while Asahina-sempai was too worn out to say anything. In other words, I was the only one doing all the talking.

How I wish someone would think of a way out of this.

It now looks like Haruki has interpreted our silence as us being moved to deep thought by his speech.

"Ah, here comes the train! Mitsuuru-chan, let's go! The show's about to begin!"

Like a police officer dragging a criminal whose motive was worthy of sympathy, Haruki pushed Asahina-sempai's shoulders towards the turnstiles.

* * *

Coming out of the station, I noticed it was the same one we had been to the other day, as the shopping street was right ahead. Before I could even suspect, I realized Haruki had even come to the exact same store that he had visited. It was the electronic store where he managed to obtain the camera.

"I came as promised!"

Haruki entered energetically, the owner stuck her head out and landed her gaze onto Asahina-sempai.

"Hoho."

The owner stared at the lead actor with a flirtatious looking smile, I guess to her it doesn't matter if you're a girl or guy so long as you're cute. Asahina-sempai stood stiff like one of those combat game characters who had just used up all his special moves under his gaze. The owner then said, "He's the girly guy from the day before? He really looks different today, hoho. Then we're counting on you."

Counting on what? I had instinctively wanted to move forward one step and shield Asahina-sempai, who was trembling behind my back, but I got pushed back by Haruki before I could do that.

"The meeting will now begin, everyone listen up."

With the same smile that he had after winning the inter-class relay race during sports day, Haruki announced, "We shall now start shooting the commercials!"

* * *

"T... the owner of this store, um, she's very generous and kind. This store has been opened by the owner Eijirou-san's grandfather, and they sell everything from dry batteries to refrigerators. Oh, and... um..."

The waitress smiled stiffly as he tried his best to read from the script, while Nagato stood beside him holding up a plastic banner that read "Oomori Electronics." The two of them were now captured into the viewing window of my camera.

Asahina-sempai gave a very clumsy looking smile, carrying a microphone that was not even plugged in.

Koizumi stood beside me and smiled wryly as she carried the placards with the script written on them. The placards were basically a sketch book in which Haruki wrote the script without even thinking a while ago. Koizumi flipped the pages of the sketch book in accordance with Asahina-sempai's reading speed.

We stood outside the entrance to the electronic store, which was right in the middle of the shopping street.

Haruki sat on the director's chair crossing his legs, and frowned at Asahina-sempai's acting.

"OK, cut!"

He slapped his loudspeaker onto his palm and said, "That was entirely devoid of any emotion. Why can't you convey it? There's just no feeling of 'that's it.' How do you ever expect to become a man!"

Again, how is this supposed to help him become a man? If anything Asahina-sempai will be scarred for life.

I stopped recording, Asahina-sempai also stopped what he was doing, Nagato was motionless since the beginning, while all Koizumi could do was smile with her white teeth, oh how I envy her perfect teeth.

The pedestrians walking on the shopping street have now gathered behind us out of curiosity.

"Mitsuuru-chan, your expression was too stiff. You need to smile more naturally from the bottom of your heart. Think of something happy, aren't you happy right now? You're chosen as the lead after all! There can't be anything happier than this in your whole life!"

I really wanted to just tell him, _Stop being ridiculous already!_ As if anyone would be happy being an actor in your movie.

If I had to compress the conversation between Haruki and the store owner into two lines, I believe it would be like this:

"During the shooting of the movie, we'll make a commercial for this store as well. So can you lend us a camera?"

"Sure, no problem."

The owner was deluded to actually believing Haruki's sweet words, while Haruki was simply

nuts to think of putting a commercial inside a movie. I had never seen a movie where the lead had to become a spokesperson for a commercial product. I wouldn't have minded if it were just simple product placement by shooting the name of the store in the background of some scenes, but now we're shooting an advertisement instead of a movie.

"I know!"

Haruki suddenly shouted.

What is it that you know now!?

"It just feels strange to see a waitress coming out of an electronic store."

Maybe it's because of the costume you chose?

"Koizumi, give me that bag. The smaller one over there."

Haruki received the paper bag Koizumi handed him, then grabbed the dreamy Asahina-sempai by the hand and strode towards the store.

"Manager! Is there a place where you can change? Um, anywhere would do. Even the bathroom.

Really? Then we'll use the storeroom!"

Without even flinching, he then dragged Asahina-sempai and disappeared into the store. Poor Asahina-sempai didn't even have the strength to resist, and could only follow awkwardly as he got dragged by Haruki's incredible strength. Maybe he was prepared to do anything Haruki asked as long as he could get out of that costume.

Koizumi, Nagato and I were left standing outside with nothing to do. Nagato wore his black costume and continued to hold up his plastic banner while staring at the camera. It's quite amazing that his arms never get tired.

Koizumi smiled softly at me.

"It seems like I won't be performing anytime soon. I was only in the class play because everyone voted to have me in, it's already exhausting trying to memorize all the lines, so I do hope there aren't that many lines for this role I'm playing. ...How about it? Why don't you try being the female lead?"

Haruki's the one who decides who plays what, so you'll have to go ask him. For some reason though being the female lead seems a lot better than the male lead, at least it doesn't involve waitress or bunny girl costumes.

"Do you think I am capable of taking on such a frightening task? I dare not imagine an actor telling the executive producer and director what to do, since Suzumiya san's orders are absolute.

I don't even want to think what retaliatory moves he would have against me if I did that."

Well, neither do I! Are you saying that's the reason why I'm willing to be a cameraman? Besides, we aren't even shooting a movie, but a regional advert for a local store. There's a limit to showing your sense of belonging to the neighbourhood.

I'm guessing a frantic scene was being played right now at the back of the store. I can imagine the look on Haruki's face as he strips the clothes off a defenseless Asahina-sempai. I wonder what he would have Asahina-sempai wear this time, why doesn't he wear them himself? He's not cute like Asahina-sempai but he sure is good looking, has he never thought of starring in the movie himself?

"Sorry to keep you waiting!"

Of the two people coming out of the store, Haruki remained in his uniform of course, while the sight of the other instantly gave me a trip down memory lane. Has it been six months already?

How time flies by! So many things have happened since then! Amateur baseball tournament, lone island mansion... Now that I think about it, these have all become happy memories.

...How was this possible?

That was Asahina-sempai's debut performance, the one that made Asahina-sempai and Haruki the talk of the school instantly. It was the extremely tight costume that left Asahina-sempai emotionally scarred.

The adorable little Chippendales boy, red with tears in his eyes, followed timidly behind Haruki.

"Yes, now that's perfect. It's better after all to do an advertisement in a Chippendales costume," Haruki said ambiguously and studied Asahina-sempai, giving a satisfied smile. Asahina-sempai simply looked traumatized, as though half of his soul had flown out of his opened lips.

Hey look on the bright side Asahina-sempai, at least you're dressed as a boy this time.

"Mitsuuru-chan, let's start over again. You've memorized the script already, I'm sure. Kyon, roll

the tape."

Who would have the mood to listen to him when he's dressed like that? When this movie plays,

I'm sure the audience would be paying attention to the Chippendales dancer played by Asahina-sempai instead. It would be fortunate if the screen didn't get burned by the staring gazes of the audiences.

"And, take 2!" Haruki yelled and slapped his loudspeaker sharply.

* * *

Finally, the shooting of the electronic store advertisement starring Asahina-sempai, who was smiling and crying at the same time while being toyed around by Haruki, was complete. The whole thing felt like watching a foreign wrestler being manipulated by an evil agent in every match.

But, having gotten to this point, I realized we had visited another store before. I didn't even need to speculate, as Haruki was already thinking of making a commercial for them as well.

Asahina-sempai went "Ah~!" and "Kyaa~!" cutely as he got dragged along by Haruki down the shopping street. Meanwhile Nagato followed slowly behind Koizumi and me like a phantom in his usual flat wizard expression.

I placed my jacket over Asahina-sempai, trying to console him. Perhaps doing so only increased the attention from the onlookers even more. After all, this world is populated by people with strange tastes. Let me make it clear by the way, those are not my tastes.

We went to the model toy store and repeated what we had done before. Under the watchful eyes of the curious bystanders, Asahina-sempai looked tearfully at me - the lens of the camera, that is.

"Th... This model toy store was opened by Yamatsuchi Keiji-san, age 28, who ignored the objections of his parents and left his life as a white-collar worker... In order to fulfill his dreams... As expected, the sales didn't grow as planned. Sales for the first half of this year was only 80% of last year's, and the sales curve have fallen towards the lower right corner of the chart... That's why... Please do come and take a look around!"

Asahina-sempai's speech was totally unconvincing. Would the owner Yamatsuchi-san even accept such an advertisement? He would probably be even more dejected than he was now. Who would want to be treated to such a speech by a high school student anyway?

The Chippendales dancer was now being forced to aim the model rifle he was holding upwards.

"Please don't aim this at people, try it on empty cans instead!"

Nagato stood behind staring blankly forward, holding up a plastic banner that read "Yamatsuchi Model Store." It was such a surreal sight. As Asakura Ryou looked like a normal person with emotions that meant not all the alien-created humanoid interfaces behaved like robots. I think Nagato only behaved like that simply because he was programmed that way in the beginning.

Asahina-sempai now aimed the rifle towards the empty cans laying on the ground and fired at them.

"Ah! I think this would hurt if you get hit! Ahhh~~!"

Asahina-sempai yelled timidly as the aluminum cans slowly became dented like a beehive. This shooting demonstration caused a commotion among the bystanders, though Asahina-sempai's aim accuracy was only 1%.

Somehow I just felt that shooting all these scenes into the DV recording camera was a complete waste. I felt sorry for both Asahina-sempai and the guy that designed this camera, since this camera wasn't supposed to be made to shoot such silly scenes.

* * *

And so the day ended after shooting of the stupid commercials had ended.

We returned to school first to listen to Haruki announce the upcoming shooting schedule.

"As tomorrow, Saturday, is a holiday, everyone must come early. We meet at nine in front of Kitaguchi station, you hear?"

But, the commercials alone were already 15 minutes long. Just how long was the movie going to be? No one is going to be able to finish a three-hour movie shown in a school festival, and I'm not optimistic about the box-office receipts either.

I thought this to myself while noticing how depressed Asahina-sempai was. He rode the train dressed as a waitress when going out, and returned as a Chippendales dancer. Right now, changed back into his uniform, he now knelt on the ground looking completely worn out. At this rate, the lead is going to fall asleep during shooting.

I finished drinking the Genbi tea that Koizumi made in place of Asahina-sempai, who rested his head on the table looking tired, and said, "Haruki, can't you think of any other costumes Asahina-sempai can wear? Aren't there any other battle costumes that suit the occasion better? Like some military costume?"

Haruki waved his conductor rod fitted with a star at its end and said, "There's no originality in wearing such costumes. It is only by dressing as a waitress that the audience can go 'Ooohhh~~~!' It's important to grasp what the audience is thinking. That's what they call concept!"

I really wonder whether he even understood what a concept is, as all I could do was sigh.

"Forget it... Let's leave that aside. Why must the protagonist be set as coming from the future? I don't see what difference it makes to the story!"

Asahina-sempai shuddered a bit while lying on the table. Haruki didn't notice that, obviously he's not giving up,

"We'll consider that sort of stuff later, we'll worry about it when someone voices a concern."

Didn't I just voice a concern!? Answer the question!

"If an answer can't be thought out after consideration, then it's best to leave it alone! It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is that it's interesting!"

Provided you can make it interesting. What are the chances of you making a movie that's interesting? What's the point in making a movie for which only the director feels an interest? Are you trying to get nominated for the Golden Raspberry Awards?

"What on earth's that? I only have one objective and that is to get voted the best event of the school festival! If possible, I wouldn't mind getting a Golden Globe. In order to achieve that goal, it's important that Mitsuuru-chan wears the right costumes!"

I don't see how anyone could fret over such stuff. I have a feeling Haruki was compelled to do this after getting pissed off watching a crap movie that somehow won the Golden Globe awards.

I sighed again and looked towards the side. Dressed all in black, Nagato had returned to his corner in the club room and once again was indulging himself in his world of books. What was wrong with him? Would he die if he wasn't reading something in this room?

"Hang on."

Looking at the alien who loved reading, I suddenly thought of something, "Hey, I still haven't seen the script yet."

It's not just the script that's missing, I don't even know what the story is. All I knew was that Asahina-sempai was a waitress from the future, Koizumi was an esper youth, while Nagato was an evil alien magician.

"It's not necessary."

Just what was Haruki thinking!? He suddenly closed his eyes and pointed to his forehead with the star on her conductor's staff, "Because e~~verything is in here, the script and the storyboard. You don't have to worry about anything, I'll think of all the scenes that need to be filmed for you."

A bold statement. You should be the one who need not do any thinking and can just stare out the window. If you looked a bit more gentle and serious, you could compete with Asahina-sempai with no problem at all.

"Tomorrow guys! Let's march bravely forward. In order to obtain glory, one must start on the mental side. It is the fastest way to victory without ever spending any money! When you free yourself from the cage of your mind, you'll be able release your potential that you never even knew you had. That's the way!"

That would probably work in those combat comics, but no matter how hard you try to spew out how to control your state of mind or how to go international, it's still going to be a long way before the Japanese soccer team could win the World Cup.

"That's it for today! Let's look forward to tomorrow! Kyon, don't forget the camera, equipment and costumes. Be punctual everyone!"

Haruki then grabbed up his bag with all his force and bolted out of the room. As the humming of the "Rocky" theme song diminished down the corridor, I looked resentfully at the pile of equipment that I had to carry. Just to which society do I complain about the tyrannical actions of this director?

* * *

So far today, our school life had been as normal as it gets, just that it got spiced up, to the level of nearly losing control, by Haruki's over-enthusiasm in the making of his movie. If a survey were conducted on the high schools on the whole nation, I'm sure there are other people who are just as eccentric as us. In other words, they're all living a "normal" life.

I wasn't attacked by Nagato's people; I didn't go time traveling with Asahina-sempai; and I didn't encounter any giants that shone like a glowing piece of blue mold; lastly, I never experienced any murder mysteries with a ridiculous truth hidden inside.

It was a normal school life.

As the school festival approaches, Haruki's excitement was now reaching boiling point. The endorphins in his mind now spin as quickly as a hamster on an exercise wheel, whipped to run at near Mach speed.

Anyway, all that was normal.

...So far, that is.

Thinking carefully, I'm sure Haruki had probably began to control himself in his own way.

Thinking further, I realized we hadn't even shot a single frame for the movie. All that the digital camera contained were video clips of Asahina-sempai dressed as a Chippendales dancer advertising for the local electronics and toy model stores. The SOS Brigade movie directed by Haruki did not even have a framework; even the story was a mystery.

Perhaps it was better if it remained a mystery.

Even if we ended up showing a documentary of Asahina-sempai introducing the shops in the local shopping district, it would not be a problem at all. Actually, wouldn't this sort of movie attract audiences better? Besides, it's beneficial to the local economy of the shopping district, so that's two birds with one stone. Ah yes, let's make an Asahina Mitsuuru advertisement special! I think I'd like this better. As his cameraman, I mean what I say.

But, knowing Haruki better than anyone, he's not going to be satisfied with that. He's going to press on, doing what he said he intends to do. He's not the sort of person to give up halfway.

Such a troublesome guy who sticks to his principles!

And so, from the second day onwards, we once again found ourselves in a strange and dire situation. I don't know how to describe this... How did Haruki phrase it again?

_When you free yourself from the boundaries of your mind, you'll be able release your potential __that you never even knew you had._

...Something like that.

Makes sense. But, Haruki, Why is it that you are the only one whose potential got released?

And you aren't even aware of it yourself.

* * *

**That's all for this week!**

**Rate or review if you can, I would really enjoy some feedback that could help me.**

**~SoftApplePie**


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